CONTRACTS:
You couldn't get what you wanted, but you got what you needed instead. You sue for breach of warranty. What is the measure of damages?
ENVIRONMENTAL LAW:
Big wheel keeps on turning; Proud Mary keeps on burning (or "boining"). What is the maximum level of particulate emissions Proud Mary may put out? Is an Environmental Impact Statement required?
EVIDENCE:
Can my admitting that I shot the sheriff be used as prior bad act evidence in my trial for shooting the deputy? If I want to introduce my prior denial of shooting the deputy, will I be barred by the hearsay rule?
FAMILY LAW:
I've got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack -- I went out for a ride and I never went back. How much alimony and child support do I owe? Am I within reach of the long-arm statute?
CRIMINAL LAW:
I'm an ordinary guy, burning down the house. That's right -- don't want to hurt nobody. People on their way to work, and baby what do you expect? What sentence would I get under the Federal Guidelines for my arson conviction?
CRITICAL LEGAL STUDIES:
I am the egg man. I am the walrus. Deconstruct. Explain relevance to ruling-class influences in farm subsidies and the law of the sea. Should it be "I am the egg person"? Goo goo goo joob.
*
Oddly enough, Eugene Volokh has been allowed to teach law at UCLA Law School. For his baptism of humor, see Alex Kozinski & Eugene Volokh, Lawsuit, Shmawsuit, 103 Yale L.J. 463 (1993). Thanks to D.L. MacLaughlan for authoritative transliteration.