Life in the Berkshires
For some gays, the rural scene is home

By Nicole Sequino, Berkshire Eagle Staff
Berkshire Eagle
Sunday, October 02

NORTH ADAMS Just last week, said Jonah Flattery, a 19-year-old college sophomore, he was walking out of a cafe toward the Massachusetts Museum of Contemporary Art when a teenage girl in a car screamed anti-gay epithets at him. As a gay man growing up in the Berkshires, Flattery said he has learned not to take insults to heart. He said harassment occurs from time to time, but he chooses to remain in his native Berkshires instead of moving to a more gay-friendly community, such as Northampton.

"I really like where I live and I don't think I could ever live anywhere else," said Flattery, a Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts student who spends weekends with his mother in Pittsfield. "I've grown up in small towns like this (North Adams) all of my life, and bigotry is something I've also grown up with. ... Some people in the Berkshires try to pretend it doesn't exist because we're so liberal here in Massachusetts, but it does exist."

Gay men and women interviewed by The Eagle expressed similar sentiments, saying they choose to live in the Berkshires for the same reasons as their heterosexual counterparts — jobs, family and friends, pristine lakes, mountainous landscapes, cultural offerings — even though they have fewer opportunities to meet other gay people and they sometimes have endured harassment because of their sexual orientation.

These findings are consistent across the country, since gays and lesbians choose to live in all types of communities, according to "The Gay and Lesbian Atlas," (March 2004, Urban Institute) by re-searchers Gary Gates and Jason Ost. Through U.S. Census data, the book provides details of gay and lesbian families in all 50 states.

In the only state permitting gay marriage, Berkshire County has one of the lowest per-capita rates of same-sex couples, ranking 12th out of 14 counties, according to Gates and Ost. Five of every 1,000 households in the Berkshires contain same-sex couples, compared with 15 of every 1,000 in Hamp-shire County, which includes the gay-friendly city of Northampton, Gates said.

Pittsfield's per-capita rate of same-sex couples ranks 42nd out of 59 Massachusetts cities that contain more than 50 same-sex households, Gates said. North-ampton, with its burgeoning night-life and colleges, ranks second out of those 59 cities and at No. 9 has made the book's top 10 list for the highest concentration of same-sex households in the nation.

Gates said that cities with more open political views and a thriving network of arts and culture, such as Northampton and Province-town, tend to have more gays and lesbians.

"There is safety in numbers," Gates said. "Just being around other gay people provides an easier route for finding a partner. ... In sparsely populated areas (like the Berkshires), it's generally harder to form those kinds of neighborhoods."

Suitable lifestyle

While Gates and Ost's research shows that the Berkshires contain a limited social scene and fewer same-sex couples than in all but two of Massachusetts' counties, gays and lesbians who live here explained their decisions. They constitute a mixture of people, from students to blue-collar workers to college-educated professionals.

Robb Tolvo, a hairstylist who also owns the Shady Village Bed & Breakfast in Hinsdale, said he returned to the Berkshires after living in Florida for 27 years.

"It's a real comfy place to live," he said. "There aren't as many judgmental people as there are in the South. People have more of a live-and-let-live attitude — everybody knows what's going on, but they're not in your face about it."

Ed Sedarbaum, 59, who works for the Northern Berkshire Com-munity Coalition, and his husband, Howard Cruse, 61, a cartoon illustrator, said the quiet, rural lifestyle suits them. They were married on July 25, 2004, but have been together since 1979.

"We've chosen to live in the Berkshires for the same reasons as everyone else," said Sedarbaum, who moved to North Adams from Queens, N.Y., more than two years ago. "We moved here because of the mountains and the beautiful scenery, and because I couldn't get a job in New York. It's a wonderful place to be."

Flattery, the MCLA sophomore, pointed out what he considers the region's major flaw.

"The chances of finding your true love are very slim," he said, "and the views of homosexuality aren't always positive."

Making things more difficult is the fact that the area's only gay support group, Parents and Friends of Lesbians & Gays, or PFLAG, has temporarily ceased its monthly meetings in Great Barrington and Williamstown because of sparse attendance, according to founder Judy Nar-dacci of Lee.

Nardacci said she believes the drop is a result of the Internet, chat rooms and other social outlets that offer support for gay men and women and their families.

"I don't think this means there isn't a need for PFLAG in the Berkshires," said Nardacci, whose daughter, Christina, came out to her mother in 1986. "We're still working with families and people who call us, but we suspect that people are getting a lot more support from other places now."

Still, being gay poses challenges. Nardacci noted that, as a PFLAG representative, she has heard of incidents of harassment and discrimination that often go unreported.

In fact, the Governor's Task Force on Hate Crimes stated concerns about underreported bias crimes in its 2001 report, the most recent one available. For example, one anti-lesbian offense in Adams was the only sexual-orientation bias crime reported in the Berkshires in 2001.

"These numbers aren't necessarily reflective of what's happening," Nardacci said. "It takes a lot of courage to report harassment because you tend to become public. We see the people who are courageous enough to do something about it."

Berkshire District Attorney David Capeless said also that because many hate crimes — such as harassing phone calls or letters — are committed anonymously, it can be difficult for police to track down offenders and press charges.

But he said that whenever a suspect can be identified — as in a North Adams case now in court, in which a neighbor's name-calling escalated into violence — the prosecution is as vigorous as for any other hate-motivated crime.

Important outlets for younger people are Gay-Straight Alliances, or GSAs, in local high schools. Some receive partial funding from the Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth, which began the programs in 1992 based on youth risk-behavior surveys. The most recent survey, in 2003, reported that 40 percent of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender students attempted suicide, compared with 7 percent of heterosexual students.

"In high schools with GSAs, or a teacher considered as a 'safe' person, that (40 percent) rate drops down to 7 or 8 percent, which is awful but still a more normal figure," said Kathleen Henry, chairwoman of the Governor's Com-mission on Gay and Lesbian Youth. "Other times, students are just too scared to join GSAs, but the fact that they're there is sometimes a comfort."

In North Adams, Drury High School librarian Greg Houston serves as the adviser for "Just a Bunch of People," a group composed of a dozen gay and straight students who meet weekly to socialize and discuss gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgenderissues.

"We try to be a space where people can discuss things without being put down," Houston said.

Randy Northrop, a 22-year-old substitute teacher at Pittsfield High School, recalled attending that school and feeling the safe, comfortable environment that was established through the GSA.

"I felt very supported by my teachers and classmates," said Northrop, who came out during his senior year. "I think it totally saved me to know I had a place I could go to talk with others who were going through the same thing I was."

Similar support systems exist on the college level. Williams Col-lege, for example, has a faculty "queer-life" coordinator, and student groups sponsor "Come Out Queer" weeks twice a year.

MCLA also offers a BGLAD support group, which promotes gay pride on campus.

The social scene

During a potluck supper at the Unitarian Universalist Church in Pittsfield a few weeks ago, members of the Berkshire Stonewall Community Coalition shared their views on Berkshire life. The Stonewall group, named for the Greenwich Village bar that police continually raided until patrons revolted in June of 1969, is a gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender advocacy group and a haven for social gatherings.

Group members explained some ways men and women can socialize in the Berkshires, such as BSCC potluck meetings. Sedar-baum and Cruse, the North Adams married couple, suggested joining gay-friendly churches and synagogues, such as Hevreh of South Berkshire in Great Bar-rington.

"Some of these places go out of the way to welcome people," Sedarbaum said.

Karla Kavanaugh, a 55-year-old Chatham, N.Y., woman who operates an all-women's construction company, said the Berkshires once had several active lesbian groups, such as Wild Women Sports, during the '70s and '80s, but they've recently petered out.

"There was a lot more going on then," she said. "Feminism was a big thing, and women were coming out all over the place. ... I'm not sure why these groups faltered. I don't know if there isn't a need or if young people just aren't organizing these activities anymore."

Younger gays and lesbians said they tend to use Internet chat rooms, blogs and Web sites like Gay.com or Match.com to meet people online.

Patrick Lyddy, a 22-year-old senior at MCLA, said he prefers using the Internet to meet other men or he drives an hour to a nightclub in Northampton. The dark, crowded club attracts a mixture of sexual orientations and a variety of ages, from college students to older couples.

"The Internet allows for the screening for perfection," Lyddy wrote in an e-mail. "Places to hang out here (Berkshires) are limited."

The sparse nightlife scene doesn't bother Pittsfield residents Jamie Trask and Judy Guidi, who met through a women's support group. The couple, married on Nov. 20, 2004, said they rarely venture to bars and clubs.

"We've always felt safe here no matter where we go," said Trask, who is pursuing a bachelor's degree in sociology at MCLA. "We've never had a negative response."

Tolvo, speaking for many Stonewall members, said most gays and lesbians focus on their careers, families, friends and significant others, just as heterosexual people do.

"Being gay is a nonissue for many of us," he said. "It's such a small part of who we are as people. What you do behind closed doors is your own business, and it shouldn't matter to people. We just want to live our lives like everyone else."